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1868.

he would always be someone his family didn't want him to be.

from the time he had begun to experiment with silk and lace, enjoying the feel of the fabric against his smooth legs, to the day that he had decided to run far away from his previous life - Kaede had decided to be everything his parents didn't want him to be.

if they could see him now, they'd surely be aghast. they had probably assumed he was long since dead by now, given that he didn't have the best track record of keeping himself alive. with his ex-husband, he had actually almost died because he had been beaten within an inch of his life. he was lucky, he supposed, that he was still walking this earth. he felt defiant, in fact.

defiance wasn't something rewarded though.

he knew that half of the time, whenever he opened his mouth, it was to say things that would disappoint. he had a sharp tongue, but it was a way to defend himself against being hurt again, though it was beginning to feel as though life was just painful enough as it was. it was tiring to play at having stellar self-esteem when he had anything but.

he always found himself orbiting around men he thought would take care of him. but nothing was ever free and that care always came with a price.

if the price was submission, he'd learn to bite his tongue. it was difficult - nearly impossible for him - but he'd give it a try.

it was a huge risk for him to trust someone enough to actually completely obey them. but he was nothing if not foolish. he always would be.

it was about finding somewhere to belong and someone he could depend on. his family hadn't given him that, nor had any of his past lovers. and yet here he was again, throwing himself into something he was ultimately afraid of because again, he didn't know how it would all end. but he wanted to try it anyway.