Latest Blog Post

.looking back honestly.

With a whiskey in his right hand, sitting on his old armchair, Paul was going through old photos. He stopped at the one with himself and Bjorn were tickling Joy. He remembered that day like it was yesterday, they set the camera on timer and made Joy laugh so her cute smile made the photo bright.

The memories of that life felt always happy, which made him ultra sad. Paul looked at those photos from time to time and he could never look at them without tears running down his eyes. He had something perfect, the kind of perfect most people would die for.

But for Paul "perfect" was such a smothering thing. He grew up in a family that strove to be perfect on the outside and put a lot of pressure on the inside. He learned from a young age to lie and save his desires in a little box that wouldn't bother his parents, until one day the pressure was too much and he ran away. That was his attitude towards the world, 'you save what you love to yourself. And you run away if its too much.'

Paul feint full happiness, while he tried to keep down an important part of himself: he was made to be free, to love people. And he was happy, put there was just this itch that wouldn't be scratched, he loved more than one person and it didn't go away as he thought it would. In his darkest times, he thought his only way out was... out.

But even to this day, he felt leaving was the worst mistake of his life. One that he'd repeat, tho. He wanted the perfect life, with the perfect family and the perfect home, with the perfect partner(s).

Years later, he found himself content with the imperfect situation he was in: a sleepy wife he adored and the freedom to be more himself than before, there was no perfection to live up to anymore.